A good few weeks have passed and NO blog posts. I would be lying if I told you that I was just being lazy, but the truth is…I get anxious, sometimes…ok, all the time. I stress about what to write about, how much to share and what not to share, how to write about those important to me but not offend them and then wonder if I should be writing about them at all…
I spent Valentine’s weekend down the South Coast with ‘The Lion’, we might not be an item but we still enjoy each others company very much. We spend most of our time driving through the back roads and visiting our favourite antique store…and there is always a coffee stop. But what I love most about our time together is sharing our every thought…our ‘pie in the sky’ dreams; of one day owning a cafe, travel, our next project and so much more.
We are finally able to be ourselves, no expectations from one another, just complete acceptance of what each others wants and that we are doing it how we can to get there. It is also because of this that I decided to take up journalling at the beginning of the year. I have never been one for non-fiction, but find myself giving it a go anyway!
Over analysing has kind of been my thing for as long as I can remember, but I have recently discovered, or have had a shocking reminder, that this was not always me. Not all of us get that magical feeling of knowing who you are, where you want to be and what you want to do…no I am grouped with that ever growing group of drifters and dreamers. These are my kind of people, the ones that don’t always know where they are going but are content, happy in their journey. The ones that find the rough edges beautiful and charming, even endearing at times. These are the people I love.
With that said, those who have their lives planned and are focused 24/7, I admire you! To have things all figured out and be right on your way to that big beautiful goal, I applaud you! I used to think I was one of these people, others made me think I was one of these few people too…and then I got lost in it all, worried that if I stopped ‘being’ this person that others would be disappointed in me, that I would let them down, and their image of me would be destroyed forever…
At this stage you become lost in some kind of limbo, a space you put negative meaning to, a space that to you means that you have failed! Failed at life, at being a human. I have often used this word, ‘limbo’, with those close to me, always talking about a limbo-like state I don’t wish to be in. Recently I have discovered, with a little guidance, that this limbo that I am so afraid of, is the part of me I lost and buried all those years ago when I thought it was not ok to be me…this limbo is ME!
“WHAT CONSUMES YOUR MIND,
CONTROLS YOUR LIFE.”
– Unknown –
So as I slowly unravel this limbo I decide to take a trip down memory lane. It’s inspired me to be more aware of all the good and to start to minimise all the negative.
When I stared these ‘On My Mind’ posts it was not my intention to upset, offend or portray anyone in my life in a bad light. This is a direct documentation of how I have processed my actions, and emotions, and their sometimes bitter outcomes. I speak of upbringings, friends and family, but in no way am speaking for them in a negative light or saying that they purposefully went out of their way to make me feel any kind of sadness. These are my thoughts, my perceptions, my interpretations of a long line of situations that I distorted, absorbed and allowed to change me…
“What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.”
– Buddha –
Here comes the light!